Rebecca’s “I’ve got the Power” post was an eye-opener to be sure!
To be fair, my dearest Rebecca has a point, but from where I stand, it’s sometimes less incompetence and more indifference. You see, to me, leaving a toilet seat up is nothing to make a fuss about. It’s definitely no reason to affect how you feel about someone in my voluminous Big Book of Things to Get Mad About. Being there to pick up your loved one when he’s standing alone in an unfamiliar airport freezing to death at 1am — and actually being at a party with friends, losing track of time — is also no real biggie.
All that aside, I do admit that I behave differently when Rebecca is around. Is it because she dominates and “has the power”? Perhaps. Likely, even. The evidence is there: I really can run my own household; I cook, clean, wash, iron and generally get about town pretty efficiently.
I can be fiercely independent, powerful and definitely not child-like. Ask my former flatmate in the UK, “Who ran the household?” for example. As I do in the office, I run a pretty tight domestic life and general life with me as captain and commander.
I know that Rebecca knows this; she’s seen me in action in the office and outside from afar, and I’m no slouch when it comes to life management, other than a few issues with understanding the true value of money. At work, I am hyper-organized and very proactive in my approach to running a company. Some might even say controlling and dominant (but gentle and kind, of course). But when she’s around at home or in a mall, for example, I tend to become a lot more passive, which is a problem.
I do feel that we’re both dominant, opinionated people. Like Rebecca, I have strong feelings about the way things should be done and my own set of priorities. When those opinions and priorities are questioned, challenged, or changed, I get frustrated too. But in the end, I am more peacemaker than warmonger, so I let her take the lead and I become a follower, which is not my natural state at all. So things get out of whack.
Yes, I do get more self-conscious when she’s around, but it’s more because I love her so much: I desperately don’t want to let her down, ever. It worries me so much that I become mentally exhausted, especially after draining my organizational and management powers at work. It’s not out of indifference in this case. More that the overwhelming fear about letting her down and not meeting her standards ends up with me… Letting her down. And so it goes on.
We’re overcoming this — we love each other so much that sharing thoughts and issues like these has become an important part of making our life together as perfect as it can be. I was actually reluctant to share all this on the blog (I take criticism badly and very much to heart, which is another story), but this has been a cathartic exercise. Rebecca was right. She tends to be, you know…
With my soul-mate’s commitment to being more casual, I am offering my own positive commitment to being more affirmative in my actions. After all, I can manage it at work. What could be so hard at home? And when Rebecca moves to Jakarta, it truly will be a marriage made in heaven. :*