The Perfect Wedding (No Such Thing)

I’m a Virgo, born to be a perfectionist, particular, and a pathological people-pleaser. A dear friend of mine, whom I asked to be the wedding pianist, is currently terrified. She thinks I will have her head if she f-up the wedding march. She said, “If it was our other friends, I’d be more at ease. I know they can laugh it off if I make a mistake. But it’s you! That’s it. I am flying my piano teacher as my wedding date, just in case I faint out of fear of messing your wedding.” And my friend is a fierce litigation lawyer!

I actually don’t blame her for feeling like that. Hell, even I am hard on myself. I obsess on every purchase. I shop till I find the perfect thing and after I pay I would shop some more just to make sure I did get the best deal for the item. I also ask and compare with one of my bestfriends, who happens to be a fellow bride. I told Matthew that I’d spent hours shop-hopping just to be sure that the diamond rings we got the day before were at the best price. He said, “But what for? So what’s gonna happen if you find out that the rings were too expensive? Buy another pair of rings?”

The next day, Matthew and I were enjoying our afternoon break in Singapore when Matthew’s mum texted me to go on Skype to discuss about her hat. She thought it was blue, apparently it’s black and it looks like a funeral hat, not wedding-y. We rushed back to our hotel and got connected to mum. Matthew rolled his eyes and said, “I’m gonna take a shower while you ladies are on your hat summit.”

A few days after, I found out that the vintage wedding dress I had been eying was sold out. I took a deep breath and thought about what Matthew would say if I sweat this one. At the end, (to spare myself) I didn’t. But I did spend hours of long distance phone calls and text to my wedding confidante in Bali and bridal tailor in Holland to discuss the contingency plan.

I only took wedding planning seriously about a month after our engagement last December and this has taught me one thing so far: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PERFECT WEDDING. Things go wrong, get forgotten, don’t fit, are wet and not in stock.

I stumbled upon this HuffPost article about a woman who got married twice and is in wedding business. So she does know a thing or two. Here’s her note:

1. Your wedding, your marriage, and your life will be filled with flaws, mistakes, inappropriate jokes, and unexpected plot twists. Embrace the weirdness of it all, and learn to laugh at yourself.

2. Planning a wedding is just like starting a business. You have a budget and need rent space, hire employees, and create something that delights your customers/guests. If wedding planning with your partner isn’t fun, you probably shouldn’t start a business together.

3. Wedding photos lie. Especially the ones on blogs, in magazines, and on Facebook. Pretty does not equal happy, and happy is way more awesome.

4. Everybody has gross morning breath. That’s kind of unrelated, but not necessarily. It just a thing that’s true.

5. There are no signs or omens. If your dress arrives late or it rains on your wedding day, it has no bearing on the quality of the life that you build, every day, together. (More on this article)

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One thought on “The Perfect Wedding (No Such Thing)

  1. “I only took wedding planning seriously about a month after our engagement last December…”

    I only really took it seriously at the same time, but since it’s become more serious, it’s actually a lot more fun, even wandering around a wedding fair and looking at options and choices, and blundering about, knocking things over slapstick-style, and laughing, being together, hand in hand, as we will be forever. (If you know me at all, you’ll know that fair-wandering is like trade-show-wandering: a long, slow, slide into torpor.)

    It also really hit home wearing my wedding suit and arranging for our pastor and dear friend to oversee the wedding, as well as getting the invite ready and planning to send it out. Next stop: the vows 🙂

    Morning breath is a myth, btw…

    -Matt-

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